“This is definitely not about me”
After the post about the female impostor syndrome around diagnosis, several people wrote: “Does this exist in men too? What can I read about it?”
It is commonly believed that male autism is obvious, textbook-like. That men are diagnosed earlier and more accurately.
But it’s called a spectrum for a reason. A great many men live for years without a diagnosis, and when they finally get one, they still can’t believe it. Because the manifestations of autism can differ from the official criteria, especially when it is AuDHD.
Unfortunately, I haven’t found books specifically about men who also feel like impostors because they differ from standard ideas of male autism. But there is an equally good source — real stories from men online.
Let’s look at this through real stories from men on forums.
“But I communicate normally. What autism?”
This is probably the most common phrase. The person is sociable, doesn’t stand in the corner at a party. And sincerely doesn’t understand what autism has to do with it.
“I didn’t think I could be autistic because I have friends and I do care about people. Isn’t autism about coldness and indifference?” — Organization for Autism Research forum
“I had all the hallmark signs of autism, but I’m an extrovert, I can tolerate sensory overload to go to a mall, a game, or a concert, and I like being around people.
However, I prefer small groups and one-on-one communication, but if I’m with someone I feel safe with, I can go to a party, hang out with a big group, and feel comfortable.” - Reddit
An autistic person can be an extrovert. The difficulties are not in talking to people. It’s just that sometimes you don’t understand how to turn acquaintances into friendships. You don’t pick up on when you’re fitting in and when you’re already too much. You don’t know how to maintain relationships without a specific reason. Or it’s hard for you to be alone in an unfamiliar environment.
ADHD adds impulsivity and talkativeness, resulting in a very lively, chatty person who outwardly doesn’t fit the image of an autistic person at all. That is exactly why AuDHD is so often missed even by specialists.
“The only image of autism I knew was genius characters from movies”
“I looked at myself and didn’t match. So it couldn’t be about me.” — personal blog, late diagnosis at 30+
Sheldon Cooper, Spock, Dr. House, The Good Doctor. The media image of autism in men is either a genius with superpowers, or a person with intellectual disability. Nothing in between.
But most autistic men are exactly in that “in between.” Average intelligence, very strong abilities in some areas, unexpected gaps in basic things in others. No superpower thrown in.
“I’m autistic — but I don’t have the superpower part. And that made me angry.” — Autism.org.uk forum
This is called an Uneven Cognitive Profile — a very uneven distribution of abilities. A significant difference between the development of various cognitive functions (memory, attention, speech, thinking), when high abilities in some areas are combined with pronounced difficulties in others.
Brilliant analysis of complex systems, and at the same time it’s hard to call an unfamiliar organization. Very strong logic, and at the same time keys are constantly getting lost. With AuDHD, this profile is even more uneven, because ADHD hits working memory and executive functions in areas where autism does not.
“I dive deeply into a topic — but a month later I remember nothing”
Autism is associated with a person who knows all train schedules by heart or can talk for two hours about quantum physics. A living encyclopedia.
With AuDHD, the interest is real and deep. But ADHD affects working memory, and details are not retained well.
A 2024 study (Dwyer et al., 492 adults) showed that the AuDHD group was the most likely to report intense interests — higher than the autism-only or ADHD-only groups. But retaining that knowledge is a separate story.
The depth of interest and the ability to remember it live in different brain systems. The first is autistic. The second suffers because of ADHD. And this combination is often what becomes yet another argument for “well, that’s definitely not me.”
“I don’t have sensory sensitivity. I’m comfortable in noise”
When people talk about sensory features in autism, they almost always mean Hypersensitivity: unbearable sounds, impossible textures, panic in a crowd.
But the opposite also happens: Hyposensitivity. You need more stimulation to feel anything at all. You don’t notice pain where others wince. You feel comfortable in noise where others feel awful. You are constantly seeking intense sensations. These are sensory features too. Just in the other direction.
With AuDHD, hyper- and hyposensitivity can exist in different modalities at the same time — for example, complete insensitivity to pain and at the same time intolerance of certain sounds or smells. You compare yourself to the criteria, don’t find a match — and once again conclude “not it.”
“I was coping. So everything was fine”
“I worked twice as hard as everyone else to get the same results. And I kept waiting for the moment I’d finally be exposed as lazy and irresponsible.” — ADDitude Magazine, late ADHD diagnosis
Masking in men with AuDHD often looks like “I’m going to be functional and productive.” Spending years maintaining the mask of a competent person who gets everything done is also masking. It also eats up resources. And it is built for a certain amount of energy, which is not infinite.
“Before my diagnosis, I thought I was just strange. I couldn’t understand why the world affected me in exactly this way. I was sure I just needed to try harder.” — blog about autism and impostor syndrome
When the mask falls apart, it looks like a personal failure. Although in reality it is the predictable result of many years of functioning in a mode not designed for that kind of load.
“I got the diagnosis — and I still don’t believe it”
“I was too afraid to even call myself autistic online. I kept thinking I had to ‘earn’ that right.” — personal blog, quoted by Simply Psychology
“I pretended to be ‘normal’ for so long that I started believing it myself. When I got the diagnosis, I thought: what if I just fooled the specialist?” — anonymous quote from a forum, Simply Psychology
This is called autistic impostor syndrome — a term described by Dr. Natalie Engelbrecht. It is especially strong in people with high masking, because the masking worked so well that eventually you yourself stopped seeing what you were hiding.
The diagnostic criteria were developed based on children with very noticeable symptoms, the ones who were easy to spot. Historically, high-masking adult men were not included in those samples. When you compare yourself to the criteria and don’t match, you are comparing yourself to a model that did not take people like you into account.
So what to do with this
“Now I can finally say: no, I wasn’t lazy. I’m autistic — and I did everything I could.” — Paul Micallef, blog about late diagnosis
“The diagnosis made me realize: I’m not broken, I’m just different. It allowed me to let go of the anger and shame that had built up.” — National Autistic Society forum, man with a late diagnosis
A diagnosis does not change you. It explains how your brain works and allows you to stop interpreting its traits as a personal failure.
If something in this text sounds familiar, that is already information. 💙
What to read:
- “Explaining AuDHD” - Khurram Sadiq (2025, English) - the only clinical book specifically about the combination of autism and ADHD
- “Unmasking Autism” - Devon Price (English) - about masking in adults of all genders
#autism #ADHD #AuDHD #neurodivergence #impostorsyndrome #masking #latediagnosis #neurodivergentbrain